Midlife Isn’t a Crisis—It’s an Edit (With a Few Plot Twists)
At some point, someone decided that hitting midlife meant plunging headfirst into a "crisis." They made it sound like one day you’re drinking your morning coffee, and the next, you’re impulse-buying a red convertible and getting bangs (don’t do it!) But what if midlife isn’t about losing yourself—it’s about finally figuring out who you are?
I’m in that process right now. And let me tell you, it’s a trip.
What Does "Finding Yourself" Even Mean?
For a long time, I thought "finding yourself" was a concept reserved for 22-year-olds backpacking through Europe with a copy of Eat, Pray, Love. But here’s the thing—midlife is actually the perfect time for self-discovery. You’ve spent years building a life, checking off all the boxes society hands you, and then one day, you wake up and wonder:
Do I even like the things I do every day?
Are these beliefs actually mine, or just ones I absorbed?
Why do I still get weirdly defensive when someone critiques my music choices?
It’s not about reinventing yourself into some “better” version. It’s about peeling back the layers of expectations and seeing what’s underneath. That’s where therapy comes in.
Trying Therapy Like It’s a Fitness Program for Your Brain
I recently started therapy—not just the “talk about your feelings” kind, but a deep dive into different styles like:
DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) – Originally designed for people with intense emotions (hi, it’s me), DBT teaches skills like emotional regulation and distress tolerance. Basically, it’s Jedi training for handling life without losing your mind.
Attachment Therapy – This one digs into how childhood relationships shape our adult patterns. Ever wonder why you over-apologize or feel the need to prove your worth? Yeah, me too. It gets rough, buckle up.
Shadow Work – Sounds dramatic, right? Like something a wizard does before a big battle. But it’s about facing the parts of yourself you’ve shoved in a mental closet. Turns out, ignoring them doesn’t make them go away. In fact, they come back to haunt you in ways you don’t even realize.
Each of these has been a different kind of workout for my brain. Some days it feels empowering, and other days I wonder if I’ve unlocked too much self-awareness (Can I return this? Is there a refund policy? Why doesn’t it go away if I just ignore it?!).
The Funny Thing About Healing
Here’s what I didn’t expect: therapy isn’t about “fixing” yourself because you were never actually broken. It’s more like decluttering—you go in, grab all of those boxes in the basement, and decide what’s worth keeping.
Some things are no longer useful (like people-pleasing). Others just need a little polishing (hello, boundaries). And some parts of you? They’re golden—you just forgot they were there.
Midlife: The Edit, Not the Crisis
So no, I’m not having a crisis. I’m having an edit.
I’m rewriting old narratives, cutting out the fluff, and keeping what actually serves me. I’m doing the work to “sit in my shit” and not just figure out the why but also get (and use!) the tools that I need to conquer things as they come up. Some days it’s heavy, but other days it feels like unlocking cheat codes to a better, freer life. And honestly? That’s way cooler than a convertible.
If you’re feeling that midlife itch—the one that makes you question everything—lean into it. Try therapy. Ask big questions. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. Because this stage of life isn’t about panicking. It’s about finally getting real.
And maybe, just maybe, figuring out once and for all if bangs are a good idea.
